Wednesday, September 24, 2003
i finished the song, and i did it on the guitar. be proud of me!
life should be feeling good right now. But instead i feel completely and totally like CRAP. i suck.
I snapped off another bracket today. It's like i can't go for 3 days from an ortho appointment and not lose a bracket, therefore subjecting me to that much time in ineffective braces until my next appointment. Mostly i'm just mad at myself... and for more reasons than this
I just don't like myself. I know this isn't necessary to survival, but I just detest my behavior. My whole lifestyle is apalling. I'm not happy today. I'm tired and I want to sleep, but i still have homework, and i need to practice my piano and brush my teeth extra well and do a million other things. And I'm feeling anxious and generally hopeless about the future. I have realized that I can't possibly fit everything i want to do and need to do into the 4 years of high school allotted to me. I'm not very smart, even though I am in Honors classes. And i know its up to me to get a scholarship from a good college because my parents can't pay for all of us. And to top it off, I feel so alone, and I am seriously doubting that God is there, because even though everything would only make sense with him there, my thoughts just echo around my brain. There is a ball of lead in my stomach, and my throat is tight, and I feel like crying.
I'm spent.
life should be feeling good right now. But instead i feel completely and totally like CRAP. i suck.
I snapped off another bracket today. It's like i can't go for 3 days from an ortho appointment and not lose a bracket, therefore subjecting me to that much time in ineffective braces until my next appointment. Mostly i'm just mad at myself... and for more reasons than this
I just don't like myself. I know this isn't necessary to survival, but I just detest my behavior. My whole lifestyle is apalling. I'm not happy today. I'm tired and I want to sleep, but i still have homework, and i need to practice my piano and brush my teeth extra well and do a million other things. And I'm feeling anxious and generally hopeless about the future. I have realized that I can't possibly fit everything i want to do and need to do into the 4 years of high school allotted to me. I'm not very smart, even though I am in Honors classes. And i know its up to me to get a scholarship from a good college because my parents can't pay for all of us. And to top it off, I feel so alone, and I am seriously doubting that God is there, because even though everything would only make sense with him there, my thoughts just echo around my brain. There is a ball of lead in my stomach, and my throat is tight, and I feel like crying.
I'm spent.
