Whirlwind of Kleenex

Once, I thought I would make a list
of all the problems with myself
I started out with selfishness
and the tendency to let others down

Unreasonable came next in line
illogical, nonsensical after that
and the way I try to hide
my insecurity under a hat

Close-minded, stubborn and foolish
too talkative, unsure and judgemental
boastful, rude, and so proud, too
not to mention the worst role model

I wrote away and away, my mood growing sour
at these attitudes so deeply ingrained
till I felt every word being inscribed on my soul
and disgust bounded out, uncontained

My list was a thousand, nay a million lines long,
And I was buried beneath
My scorn and self-loathing knew no bounds
in self-directed anger, I ground my teeth

Suffocation was near, and insanity close
when I desperately recalled words of life
and repeated them over and over and over
"there is now no condemnation in Christ"

He lifted me up and with heavenly fire
cleansed me, and yes, it hurt
But think of the joy when, looking around
I saw the list away had been burnt

He told me "love, and joy and peace,
they shall be your new vocabulary
faithfulness, kindness, and patience abounding,
when you look away from yourself, and at me"

So make my heart good, Lord, this I plead,
make it true, true and steadfast
and while I seek you (please help me to do),
make this earnestness, this hunger last.

And this poem, while not very rhyming or good
accept as a small offering
For my gratitude must be expressed somehow
to you, whose praises I sing.