Sunday, December 04, 2005
some heavy stuff (like anvils)
My friend told me today "Lauren, you're too hard on yourself."
And an extremely intelligent colleague said to me on Friday "There's a battle going on, and Satan is trying to win by making you believe that no one likes you."
I was trying to hash this out, both of these statements. The first one is true, maybe. But really, I have very inadaqute social skills, (which is what we were talking about before she said it to me). But then I'm comparing myself to other people, which I wasn't meant to do, because I'm unique. Perfectionism is such an evil, conniving, horroble twisting demon. If it weren't for Jesus, it would consume my life. It kind of does now, but He's staving it off.
As for the second statement, my extremely intelligent colleague wasn't even directly speaking to me, he was just telling me what he told a discouraged kid in our friday night class, but it hit me like nothing else. Because that is exactly how I feel at school. Insecure, invisible, unimportant, and that no one likes me or enjoys my company. But you know, I've got to suck it up and realize that even if everyone really did hate me, Jesus still loves me and desires me and my friendship.
And this is what I love about what I've been learning... it really does all come back to Jesus. Everything does. Just Jesus. HE loves me. He LOVES me. He loves ME. It's like to make my head burst, sometimes. I just hope I can manage to remember it more often.
...
I'm going Christmas shopping tomorrow. I hope the "jolly" and "festive" mall doesn't drain the life from me. I really hate shopping.
Oh and I had my first SCC concert today, and it went quite well. Our next one is Saturday, at 1st Pres. church down in Seattle. Please come. You wouldn't regret it, especially if you are underexposed to gorgeous classical choral music. It is that good.
And an extremely intelligent colleague said to me on Friday "There's a battle going on, and Satan is trying to win by making you believe that no one likes you."
I was trying to hash this out, both of these statements. The first one is true, maybe. But really, I have very inadaqute social skills, (which is what we were talking about before she said it to me). But then I'm comparing myself to other people, which I wasn't meant to do, because I'm unique. Perfectionism is such an evil, conniving, horroble twisting demon. If it weren't for Jesus, it would consume my life. It kind of does now, but He's staving it off.
As for the second statement, my extremely intelligent colleague wasn't even directly speaking to me, he was just telling me what he told a discouraged kid in our friday night class, but it hit me like nothing else. Because that is exactly how I feel at school. Insecure, invisible, unimportant, and that no one likes me or enjoys my company. But you know, I've got to suck it up and realize that even if everyone really did hate me, Jesus still loves me and desires me and my friendship.
And this is what I love about what I've been learning... it really does all come back to Jesus. Everything does. Just Jesus. HE loves me. He LOVES me. He loves ME. It's like to make my head burst, sometimes. I just hope I can manage to remember it more often.
...
I'm going Christmas shopping tomorrow. I hope the "jolly" and "festive" mall doesn't drain the life from me. I really hate shopping.
Oh and I had my first SCC concert today, and it went quite well. Our next one is Saturday, at 1st Pres. church down in Seattle. Please come. You wouldn't regret it, especially if you are underexposed to gorgeous classical choral music. It is that good.
