Saturday, December 28, 2002
Wow... I had a weird dream last night. It was scary. It was at my school, but the school itself was different. I dreamed that the rapture was almost upon us (probably from reading that Left Behind book), and I was talking to all my friends, last minute, because i didn't want to go without them. But, i was still too shy to get more than a few words about God out to them. I woke up almost crying, and with a real sense of urgency to tell all my real-life friends about Jesus. However, I was then struck anew by my own doubt. How can I tell people about God when I am still wondering? I don't doubt his existance (evolution clearly doesn't work), but I just... oh screw it, i don't know what's wrong. I just feel like when I pray, it's all in my head, you know? And that no one can hear me, least of all God. Then I'm lonely. I long to have assurance.
